And I stand there, looking at you from a distance; enjoying yourself, enjoying your life.
I like seeing you happy, I really do but at the same time I’m filled with rage because I’m not the person you’re enjoying your life with.
We’ve been friends for a long time; since children in fact and I am honoured that I am your person you talk to whenever you’re having troubles in your life. I sit there like I care and act like I am listening. Hanging on your every word.
You tell me about the boy troubles you have, each time you have an argument and you send me a text message first informing me and looking for reassurance. I give it to you willingly because you are beautiful. I tell you each time that you deserve better and that nothing he does reflects badly on you as a person.
I tell you what a great guy you’re with while at the same time telling you how much of an absolute prick he is.
For years I have planted the seeds that grow into the trees of doubt in your mind, I tell you exactly what you want to hear because I know every single molecule of your brain and how it works. And everytime you end a relationship you come crying to me like I am your safe haven and I hold you and give you my shoulder to cry upon. I let you ramble on and on about how much you thought “this guy was the one, this guy was the love of my life”.
I stroke your hair and clutch you even tighter and tell you how even I didn’t know where it went wrong. But I lie, because I do know; it went wrong because I have created a forest of anxiety, doubt, fear and anger within you.
I have driven you to the point of madness so many times and you haven’t even realized it happening. I don’t blame you though because I’m very good at what I do, I have done it to many others.
Remember when Adam left you for another woman? I convinced her to talk to him right before I told him how I had seen you dancing with other men; how you were spotted with your ex-boyfriend. He knew that I was your best friend so this coming from me was as good as photographic evidence, a day later here you were crying in my arms, in your safe haven.
People may think me evil but had they known love like I do they wouldn’t hesitate to do the things I have done. Mental manipulation is wrong apparently but I know what’s best for you, I always have. Because little to your knowledge people have cheated on you, people were not good enough for you.
You get that vibration from your mobile phone, a text message reading simply, “I think we should see other people.”
I am the one sending that text message, to save you from the pain of finding out that you simply weren’t good enough in other people’s eyes. I send the text message then I bury the phone with the lifeless corpse that used to be your boyfriend.
Remember our picnics together? We used to go to that secluded field and just talk and laugh all day? You probably walked over three of the “love of your life’s” just on the way there.
You really don’t know how strong you are, all of that rejection and you still manage to carry on, this is why I love you so much. This is why we should be together, every time I mention it you comment how you wouldn’t want to ruin our friendship and then days later you’re in the arms of another man. Then soon after that you’re back in my arms crying in your little safe haven.
Maybe you shouldn’t worry about ruining our friendship because each time you tell me no, you ruin your friendship with someone else. I know you do, I make sure of it.
So there I stand; looking at you… from a distance. Enjoying your life, oh who is this you’ve met? Jack you say? He does what for a job? Awesome. He sounds like a real catch.
I drive you home and you give me a loving kiss on the cheek before running off inside hoping you receive a text message from your beloved Jack that you’ve known for all of five minutes.
And here I am scheming yet again, plotting the demise of some innocent man. It serves him right for talking to you, it serves him right for even looking at you.
It wasn’t always this easy you know, I used to feel guilt, I used to feel pain. But now because of you I am numb, the only thing I feel is my love for you and if anyone gets in the way of that then they need to be removed from the equation. After so many years it becomes natural.
Before you even receive your first text message from him, the seeds will have already been planted, it’s almost like poetry in motion. But don’t you worry, I will put on that t-shirt you bought me for Christmas that one year you were single; and I’ll be ready to cradle your head on my shoulder and tell you how beautiful and amazing you are and what a bastard he was.
Your safe haven awaits.