How I long to feel the warm breeze touch my skin, however that’s not going to happen anytime soon. “Why?” you may ask yourself, and you’d be a fool not to. Am I some sort of prisoner? No, I’m just a resident of England.
Some would say that’s the same damn thing. I’ll admit, at times I agree. I am a prisoner of my own solitude that’s for sure; another week at work which I consider to be an absolute joke goes by. It does pass quickly but the weekend passes even quicker.
For some reason I wish the time away but then I think, what is it I’m wishing time away for in the first place? There’s nothing to look forward to, only the same mundane routine. My so called friends must have kept themselves out of trouble this week as I have heard nothing from them. Typical.
It’s days like this when the only thing I do is lounge around the house and wait to go back to work on Monday. That’s why I have decided to catch some fresh air.
I am broken.
There is no better way to describe me than that. I sometimes sit outside the local school and watch the little children play in the playground, laughing, running around, pulling hair, falling over and crying. I watch them not because I am some sort of weird paedophile but because I envy them.
I envy them because they are at the age of not knowing what stress is. They don’t know worry, they have no concept of depression. I sit there and I watch their innocent faces and while I envy them, I sometimes can’t help but pity them. The things I have been through not just physically but mentally; I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At the moment the only thing they have to worry about is the amount of homework they are given. I remember at that age I used to fear detention. Having to sit quietly in a class room for 30 minutes as punishment? At this point in my life I would love nothing more than 30 minutes of quiet.
I watch these children and they have a whole life ahead of them. They will be around long after I am dead, they will have their own lives, wives, husbands, heart-break, mishaps. These children have at least 14 years before life even really begins. Some will be able to handle it, some won’t.