In an entire week, I’d lost everything. I lost my fiance, my job, my house, my friends. No fault of my own you understand; it’s just some people are destined for greatness while others are destined to just exist and die unnoticed.
I looked back at my family history and all I feel is disappointment. Not at them but at myself, some people in my family were bonafied heroes. They’d saved lives, the best thing I had ever done was not beat some drunk so badly that he’d spend a month in hospital. I showed mercy.
But in the end where did it get me? Did it divert my path of failure? No, it didn’t. I’m just the guy that can’t hold down a job, can’t hold down a relationship. Then to really rub it in I have to hear about how great my friends’ lives are, how great their job is, how hot their woman is, sick of it.
Broken and defeated I took whatever pills I could find, at the start it was strong painkillers, they did the trick of putting me to sleep quickly. Then when they’d ran out I used up the mild painkillers, then the headache tablets.
In the end all I was left with was a few laxatives and pills called “Immodium” which has the opposite effect. I took them both together and suffered through two weeks of my body having a bowel war. It wasn’t pretty.
I threw away all of my money on alcohol; then threw it all back up again because I never was much of a drinker. I can’t even act depressed correctly!
I went to the shop last month to buy some cigarettes and saw what the money was like on the National Lottery, a triple rollover?! I decided I really had nothing to lose and paid the £1 on a ticket. Went home that evening and watched intently, the balls rolled across the screen, with every number that was announced a sudden rush of excitement coursed through my body.
“AND THE BONUS BALL – 16!!”
“HooooolllllllLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yelled, I’d won! I’d won the lottery! I’d won £212 million! Finally all of this shit I’d had to deal with had paid off, had I’d not gone through everything I went through I wouldn’t have reached this moment in my life right now! I became a multi-millionaire! YES!
When I collected the money and saw the amount in my bank account, I knew that at last, I was free. All of a sudden my so called friends got in touch, they wanted me to go out with them and celebrate my good fortune. Yeah right, they just wanted a free night of alcohol. But I was bored so I entertained their selfishness, I paid for all of their drinks then I paid the barman £10,000 to spike their drinks with date-rape to knock them out. I had always wanted to see what a club would do when 30 people all passed out at the same time.
As they all dropped I could see the bouncers looking around to see who the culprit was, but by the time they even suspected anyone the barman and I had both left the club and gone our seperate ways.
My ex-girlfriend got in contact and claimed she’d made a big mistake and wanted to sort things out. Yeah of course you made a big mistake you filthy whore. She wanted to meet me for lunch to talk things through, I showed up along with two very fine ladies I’d picked up at the club the night before, told her how it was and that from now on, she’ll be known as the girl that made the biggest mistake in the history of relationships. Flicked her a ten pound note and left her sat there looking like the stupid bitch she is.
Then I bought the company that fired me, fired everyone apart from the people that did their jobs and gave it to a friend to oversee.
Now here I am a month down the line, sat on a beach in Hawaii; drinking a Pina Colada while a trio of women in grass skirts keep me cool by waving big fans at me.
They say that money doesn’t buy happiness, but let me assure you, that is a saying that poor people say; or a saying that people with money who don’t know how to spend it say. Money equals freedom and freedom equals happiness.
So to those who believe money doesn’t buy happiness, you continue sat at your dead end jobs taking shit off of your boss or customers, I’ll continue sitting here being “unhappy”.
I’ll continue sitting here looking out at the ocean with the thought running through my mind:
“Finally, I had won.”