“And here in the shadows I stand, hidden from you, hidden from the world… hidden from everything! You think I was gone forever didn’t you? You always thought you were better than me, walking past me as if I never existed! Every day I tried to gain your affection, your love and everything I did you just threw it back in my face! Well never again! If I can’t have you, then no one will! If you don’t know I’m here now then you will never know when to expect me! I stand here, in the shadows, watching you touch yourself; dirty little whore!”
The light switches on and the shadows disappear.
“What are you doing Jeffrey, you stupid boy?!” A woman’s voice yelled.
I spun quickly and glanced at my mother.
“Stop standing in the dark talking in that sinister voice! Especially at this time! Do you realize how late it is? Me and your dad are trying to bloody sleep in ‘ere! And stop perving over the cat, she doesn’t like it.”
“…Err… Sorry mother.”
Alas, I was busted by my greatest nemesis; she stared at me with disappointment and with a final blow, she shook her head in disgust and left my room slamming the door behind her. I turned the lights off, they were damaging to my eyes.
“Stupid bitch, thinking you can come in here and tell me what to do, I’ll show you, I’ll show you all!!” What I thought was mumbling soon turned into yelling.
Before I knew it the lights switched back on as mum barged her way back in my room; slipper in hand she grabbed the back of my neck, bent me over and spanked me with the slipper until my milky white behind turned red. I screamed with agony.
“Now shut up! Or I’ll give you a reason to cry about!” Mum yelled. Angrily she left my room once more.
What a fool she was, I already had a reason to cry, she had just spanked me; with a slipper no less. Who the hell did she think she was?
Deciding I had had enough of this tyranny, I wiped away my tears and concocted a plan to escape my prison. It involved tying all of my clothes together. It was genius, before I knew it I had a long rope… made out of clothes! I thought it was only something that could be done in the movies but I proved everyone wrong.
I tied one end to the headboard of the bed and threw the other out of the window. Without a moments pause, I leapt out of my window, spinning mid-air because I’m stylish like that and grabbing ahold of the rope.
Alas, I forget that the headboard wasn’t actually connected to the bed, it flung towards the window; smashing the glass; I plummet to the ground with such ferocity that I get grass stains on my jeans. My brand new jeans that mum had just bought from the catalogue.
I was definitely in trouble.
“JEFFREEEEEEEE!” Screamed my mother.
Before I could think of an escape plan to avoid another thrilling battle of wits and braun with mum, as soon as I tugged on the rope of underpants to pull myself up the headboard came barreling out of the window and one of the legs of the headboard embedded firmly into my skull. My brain squashed, I collapsed to the floor and died.
She had won this round. Little did she know however, as soon as I hit the floor, I converted to Buddhism, and I would soon be reincarnated.
This war had only just begun.