Shattered

There we sat in a cold, dark room that had obviously seen better days. The stale air offending our senses as we paced. My head was heavy with pain; like a spike had been driven through my eye sockets. The reflection from the moon certainly was not helping.

He always knew how to push my buttons at the wrong time too, following me around while spouting off his sickening remarks. I had had enough of them but what can I do about it? Kill him? If only it was that easy. If only I was that kind of man to begin with.

I sat down on the old wooden chair; it creaked under my weight but held. I put my head in my hands and breathed heavily. The headache was coming on stronger now.

“Look at you. You’re pathetic.” He exclaimed. He was always such a charmer.

“Just go away.” I pleaded.

“Go away; if only I could just go away. If only you just accepted being the man you were meant to be then I could just go away. But you’re not and here I am. You think it’s always so easy being around you too? The overly polite and joyful human being they all know and love? If only they knew the real you eh? I don’t mean this pathetic excuse in front of me but the real you. I know the real you.” He said, making a point to raise his voice, causing the throbbing in my head to intensify.

I look at up at him; how could someone so brilliant be so wrong in so, so many ways?

“You know the real me?” I snorted with laughter. “You don’t know the first thing about me.”

“Don’t come at me with that shit!” He yelled. “I know for a fact that when you’re sitting there and she walks past and gives you the smile, because that’s what you’re thinking about at the moment… whenever you talk to her and her eyes light up, inside you’re tortured because you love her; you love everything about her but just like everyone else you’ve ever been in love with she already has someone. It tears you up inside because you know you’re nothing but a pathetic failure at life and why would anyone want to be with someone like that? The harmless flirting, you play along because that’s what people do, especially from people who don’t know the real you but the only thing you want to do is grab ahold of her pretty little throat; grip as hard as you can and watch the life drain out of her. That’s the person you are!”

“Shut up!” I demanded in defiance.

“Look at you, you know it’s true. Just like it’s true that you wish you had a backbone, you walk among people who annoy you on a daily basis; they are nothing but peasants. They shouldn’t even be in the same area as you. They make an insulting joke about you in front of every one, they all laugh… You laugh because that’s what you think you should do, take it on the chin just one more time. But what you really want to do is latch onto his face and dig your thumbs into his eyes, feeling them pop under your nails. To cause extreme physical pain to every one that laughed in agreement. But you do nothing; you sit there and you take it. You sacrifice your self respect on a daily basis and that is why you are sitting in this room holding your head. You’re nothing but a coward.”

“A coward?!” I growl; “A coward! I’m a coward because I stop myself from causing people pain? That is the difference between me and you; you’re capable of doing things like that where as I’m not. What you are; is the personification of evil.”

“There is nothing evil about what I do; just truthful. And trust me when I say you are not the opposite to me; you are hardly the personification of good.”

“I never said that. I’m no candidate to be at the front of the line for heaven or anything but I am a good person.”

He just stood there laughing rather insulting at my last comment. “You are definitely not a good person; you just pretend to be one. The only reason you don’t do the things you want to do is because of cowardice. Because if you knew you could get away with it, you would kill. You would harm, torture, punish and you would enjoy doing it.”

“Unlike you; I have a conscience. So it seems that you don’t know me at all.”

Again he began to laugh; the sounds of his larynx echoed around my skull like a sledgehammer hitting steel.

“Conscience! Bullshit. You can lie to the current girl you’ve got your eye on. Or to the so called best friends that really only invite you to things to make up the numbers; you can even lie to yourself but you cannot lie to me! Everything about you is a failure; friends have no respect for you, your work colleagues have no respect for you, every one you’ve ever loved has broken your heart either because they don’t “feel” the same way or they’re just sick of your shit. You weren’t born to be liked; you were born to cause fear and suffering. You will never find true happiness in the traditional sense; the only way you’ll stop being a façade, living your nights in a permanent state of depression and actually be happy; truly happy is if you accept who you really are.”

“NO!” I screamed; standing up kicking the chair behind me. I could feel the blood flowing through my pulsating veins; my face felt really hot as if steam was about to burst from my ears as all the muscles in my body contracted with hatred. My outburst of anger only served to make him smile even more though at the same time startling him. I spin around and pick up the chair. “That. Is. ENOUGH!”

I threw the chair at him which only caused the noise of shattering glass to fill the air as pieces of the mirror hit the floor and break into even smaller pieces upon their landing. The reflection of the moon now gone the room filled with even more darkness. I dropped to my knees; glass crunching under the weight of my legs.

The headache now gone once more I find myself alone in this room void of light, again at the mercy of my subconscious. If only silencing him were that easy.

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5 thoughts on “Shattered

  1. Reblogged this on Evolution Of Insanity and commented:

    Sorry I missed Music Monday yesterday, I wasn’t really in the mood to write anything; had a serious case of the Mondays. (Do people even say that?) Anyway I wasn’t in the mood to write anything to day either but came up with this regardless so hopefully it makes it all better. :)

  2. Omg Pete that was amazing. I never expected it to be him talking to himself. It’s a hard thing when people label you as a certain way and then you start to believe them. It’s kind of like the shoulder angel and shoulder devil. One side is trying to help you and knows who you really are, and the other one wants to drag you down–telling you that you’re all the things you really aren’t. Awesome post Pete. Really got me thinking!

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