“And here in the shadows I stand, hidden from you, hidden from the world… hidden from everything! You think I was gone forever didn’t you? You always thought you were better than me, walking past me as if I never existed! Every day I tried to gain your affection, your love and everything I did you just threw it back in my face! Well never again! If I can’t have you, then no one will! If you don’t know I’m here now then you will never know when to expect me! I stand here, in the shadows, watching you touch yourself; dirty little whore!”
The light switches on and the shadows disappear.
“What are you doing Jeffrey, you stupid boy?!” A woman’s voice yelled.
I spun quickly and glanced at my mother.
“Stop standing in the dark talking in that sinister voice! Especially at this time! Do you realize how late it is? Me and your dad are trying to bloody sleep in ‘ere! And stop perving over the cat, she doesn’t like it.”
In an entire week, I’d lost everything. I lost my fiance, my job, my house, my friends. No fault of my own you understand; it’s just some people are destined for greatness while others are destined to just exist and die unnoticed.
I looked back at my family history and all I feel is disappointment. Not at them but at myself, some people in my family were bonafied heroes. They’d saved lives, the best thing I had ever done was not beat some drunk so badly that he’d spend a month in hospital. I showed mercy.
But in the end where did it get me? Did it divert my path of failure? No, it didn’t. I’m just the guy that can’t hold down a job, can’t hold down a relationship. Then to really rub it in I have to hear about how great my friends’ lives are, how great their job is, how hot their woman is, sick of it.
Broken and defeated I took whatever pills I could find, at the start it was strong painkillers, they did the trick of putting me to sleep quickly. Then when they’d ran out I used up the mild painkillers, then the headache tablets.
You ever have that feeling that you’re drowning? Ever think that your chest is about to explode because you just can’t catch your breath?
I have that feeling everyday. I’ve had it since the moment I was born, it made me struggle with even the most easiest tasks. Washing the dishes, taking out the trash, baking cookies. You name it, I had problems with it.
I used to tell the teachers at school that I was having trouble concentrating but in those days they took a cane to your hands for slacking. Making me sit there wearing a dunce cap while nursing swollen extremities from where I’d been hit. I begged, I pleaded with the teachers that I was unable to concentrate, that I couldn’t breathe. They called me an imbecile and struck me again. Continue reading
Based on a true story…
He stood there dressed up the smartest he’s ever been. His brand new suit his mother bought him. Fresh faced, baby faced. Ready to kick some ass at his very first interview.
This was to be his second ever job. His first being a cleaner at the college he also studied at. After deciding to leave college his dad helped him get an interview with a computer company, doing customer service. Call centre work. He hadn’t done anything like this before, he was practically fresh out of college.
The job was based in his hometown, the other side of town so a bus ride and a long walk. He didn’t mind, the job was handsomely paid.
He walked into the building and politely checked in at reception. He waited for his interview to begin. 15 minutes they had him waiting in the reception area. How would they have liked it if he was 15 minutes late? Continue reading
Christmas Day, done.
New Years Eve/Day, done.
The Harley Davidson 2011 Calender thrown in the bin and replaced with The Official Justin Bieber Calender 2012. It seemed like a good idea at the time because not only would I know what day my anniversary is on but I can also use the calendar as a dart board. Although I would now have to look at Bieber in many different positions throughout the year.
I had come home after a weekend away with the boys, the wife had her weekend in the house with the girls. Ann Summers party on New Years Eve? Must be mental. I can only imagine the type of bendy things that were being produced as the year ended.
I got home, the house was cleaned. One of her many talents that. That and cooking.
Timetravelling has been something I’ve always been interested in. Ever since I stepped into the world of H.G. Wells’ “The Time Machine” at a very young age, I was determined I’d be the first person to travel through time.
To just step into a structure and end up coming stepping out of it yesterday. It’d be a very strange experience as then I’d have to hide for a day until my past self did the exact same thing. Or maybe I could give myself the winning lottery numbers, become a millionaire.
But then you get that whole paradox business, if I travel back in time and give myself the winning lottery numbers then I’d be a millionaire, I then never go into the past to give myself the winning lottery numbers which means I would not get the winning lottery numbers and I don’t become a millionaire… So… I’m the same person I am now?
It’s all very strange but it was something I wanted to explore. I told my friends about my hopes to travel through time, they all said I was stupid and will die alone. I do love my friends.