There we sat in a cold, dark room that had obviously seen better days. The stale air offending our senses as we paced. My head was heavy with pain; like a spike had been driven through my eye sockets. The reflection from the moon certainly was not helping.
He always knew how to push my buttons at the wrong time too, following me around while spouting off his sickening remarks. I had had enough of them but what can I do about it? Kill him? If only it was that easy. If only I was that kind of man to begin with.
I sat down on the old wooden chair; it creaked under my weight but held. I put my head in my hands and breathed heavily. The headache was coming on stronger now.
“Look at you. You’re pathetic.” He exclaimed. He was always such a charmer.
“Just go away.” I pleaded.
“Go away; if only I could just go away. If only you just accepted being the man you were meant to be then I could just go away. But you’re not and here I am. You think it’s always so easy being around you too? The overly polite and joyful human being they all know and love? If only they knew the real you eh? I don’t mean this pathetic excuse in front of me but the real you. I know the real you.” He said, making a point to raise his voice, causing the throbbing in my head to intensify.
I am broken.
There is no better way to describe me than that. I sometimes sit outside the local school and watch the little children play in the playground, laughing, running around, pulling hair, falling over and crying. I watch them not because I am some sort of weird paedophile but because I envy them.
I envy them because they are at the age of not knowing what stress is. They don’t know worry, they have no concept of depression. I sit there and I watch their innocent faces and while I envy them, I sometimes can’t help but pity them. The things I have been through not just physically but mentally; I wouldn’t wish on anyone. At the moment the only thing they have to worry about is the amount of homework they are given. I remember at that age I used to fear detention. Having to sit quietly in a class room for 30 minutes as punishment? At this point in my life I would love nothing more than 30 minutes of quiet.
I watch these children and they have a whole life ahead of them. They will be around long after I am dead, they will have their own lives, wives, husbands, heart-break, mishaps. These children have at least 14 years before life even really begins. Some will be able to handle it, some won’t.
And I stand there, looking at you from a distance; enjoying yourself, enjoying your life.
I like seeing you happy, I really do but at the same time I’m filled with rage because I’m not the person you’re enjoying your life with.
We’ve been friends for a long time; since children in fact and I am honoured that I am your person you talk to whenever you’re having troubles in your life. I sit there like I care and act like I am listening. Hanging on your every word.
You tell me about the boy troubles you have, each time you have an argument and you send me a text message first informing me and looking for reassurance. I give it to you willingly because you are beautiful. I tell you each time that you deserve better and that nothing he does reflects badly on you as a person.
I tell you what a great guy you’re with while at the same time telling you how much of an absolute prick he is.
James stood there gazing at Melissa’s hair reflecting in the sun light. Like liquid gold it was.
He knew her since they were five years old. They played together in primary school, they supported each other in secondary school. Friends for over 11 years until they both finished school. It was then time for the both to choose colleges and universities.
She moved away, went to university to study forensic science. He stayed behind, studied at his local college. He found it difficult not talking to her every day. The two tried to stay in touch but over the years like all things they grew apart.
It only took two years for the two not to even speak to one another anymore. People lose contact all the time, but he always thought she was his soul mate. The two were meant to be together and because of that he knew that they would meet again.
He was born with so much promise, so much skill… so much talent. Born to loving parents, his father worked his ass off to get where he was today, his mother made sure he wanted for nothing. Maybe even spoiling him a bit too much.
At primary school he was one of the cool people, he was friends with everyone. They were all local to him, all in the same village. He loved nothing more than playing with his friends in the playground, rarely getting into trouble.
Of course secondary school came along, the best secondary school in his town and he was forced to meet new kids, kids that thought they were “it”. They tried to assert their dominance as the “hardest kid in year”. He wasn’t bothered about this however, he just wanted to be friends with everyone but after the first month one of the kids tried their luck with him. Pinning him up against the wall and head butting him. Did he cower away? Of course not, to do so would be a failure to the male species.
No, he fought back. He snapped, pinned the guy down to the ground and smashed his stupid face in repeatedly. The teachers pulled him off of the ailing child and he was suspended.