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Too Late

And so she stands there in tears; the droplets of water from her eyes glistening against her cheek from the moonlight above. Shaking from head to toe but not from the bitter cold of the Winter air but from fear, from absolute terror of being alone.

For nearly twenty years I have loved her. When we first met I was 12 years old, but a mere child that didn’t even know what love was. I didn’t know how to control these feelings I had for her because you cannot control what you don’t understand.

I used to watch her from afar in class and day dream what it would be like for us to be together, seeing her talking to all of the other boys, boys that were “better” than me; “prettier” than me. But I was shy, definitely far too shy to talk to her and yet she spoke to me anyway. That first time in the playground, I was sat alone on that bench; being the new kid at school wasn’t easy especially this school.

You see rough schools glorified on TV and you say to yourself that you’re glad you didn’t end up there. For most of these kids it’s not a choice, for me it was.

I had so much promise at a young age, most people aspired to work with the police or be an astronaut but not me, I had a clear path; I wanted to go to a good school, go to a good University, earn a degree in web design. I wanted to make my father proud.

But what you want isn’t always what happens, expelled for violence. Not always violence I caused but violence I was involved with none-the-less. I wasn’t there long before I was thrown out and the worst school in my town was the only one that would take me.

It felt more like a prison sentence than an opportunity. Through the tough exterior I portrayed all I had inside of me was fear, anxiety, I never found it easy to mix well with others. I made one friend quickly who protected me from the others, he had my back; a feeling I had never felt before but just like everyone else I cared about in life he left.

His parents decided it’d be a good time to move away and when he was gone I was alone, on that bench in that playground.

Then she spoke to me

Shattered

There we sat in a cold, dark room that had obviously seen better days. The stale air offending our senses as we paced. My head was heavy with pain; like a spike had been driven through my eye sockets. The reflection from the moon certainly was not helping.

He always knew how to push my buttons at the wrong time too, following me around while spouting off his sickening remarks. I had had enough of them but what can I do about it? Kill him? If only it was that easy. If only I was that kind of man to begin with.

I sat down on the old wooden chair; it creaked under my weight but held. I put my head in my hands and breathed heavily. The headache was coming on stronger now.

“Look at you. You’re pathetic.” He exclaimed. He was always such a charmer.

“Just go away.” I pleaded.

“Go away; if only I could just go away. If only you just accepted being the man you were meant to be then I could just go away. But you’re not and here I am. You think it’s always so easy being around you too? The overly polite and joyful human being they all know and love? If only they knew the real you eh? I don’t mean this pathetic excuse in front of me but the real you. I know the real you.” He said, making a point to raise his voice, causing the throbbing in my head to intensify.

Yet another NaNoWriMo completed.

Evolution Of Pierre

As you can see by the above I’ve written over 8,000 words today. I hit 40,000 words three days ago, took Friday off and only managed to write 1,600 words yesterday due to laziness and whatnot. So I decided I’d make up for it today. I’ve spent a good six hours writing up to the point of what I consider to be the penultimate chapter of this book I’m writing.

The more I wrote today the closer I got to the 50,000 words target and the more drive I had to get closer to the mark. With every word I wrote I could sense victory and it got to the point where I was that much in the zone, I was so involved with the story I was writing that I’d carry on until I at least hit the big 50. That one last push if you will. The books…

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Insanity’s Ascension – Domus Dulcis Domus

I charged at three of them but I couldn’t manage to knock them all down. One of them restrained me with his arms while another repeatedly hit me in the face with the butt end of his rifle. I snarled at him but that only increased the punishment.

I struggled to break free, flailing my legs all over the place, suddenly someone drops to their knees and restrains my legs. The beating continued, probably angry about how I had killed their comrades, but this was their fault. They kept me here locked in a damn room with no windows. I begged for answers and they gave me none, this was their own doing.

I am not some mistake that will go quietly, the beating on the face continued for a while longer then they pinned me down. They bring something that resembles a cattle prod out from one of the lockers, activating it a few times just to taunt me.

“Take this you psychopath.” One of the guards yelled right before he slams it into my stomach, I had never felt such pain like this before, it was excruciating, my whole body seized up, I convulsed, they held me down tight as he stuck me with it again… and again. The screams of pain I let out only seemed to fuel their attack, with all my might I struggle to break free, I could feel the leather on the belt weakening with every attempt.

Another shock with the cattle prod was enough to finally snap the strap, one of my arms was free, this gave me the will to do everything I can to escape, I get a foot free from the person holding it and kick him in the face, I then get the guard holding the cattle prod in the crotch, I roll over escaping the clutches of the guard pinning my shoulders. Finally back on my feet I hit a kick to the standing guards face. With my free arm I am able to get out of the straight jacket completely, tearing it off of my body.

Insanity’s Ascension – De Fumo In Flammam

The reds lights were still flashing, the deafening alarm still battering my ear drums, the hall way was paved with bodies. Unconscious, beaten, bloodied, all caused by me. There was no where to run, no where to hide, go back in that cell was my option and I definitely was not doing that, I can’t even remember how I knew all of the stuff I did. Karate? Kung Fu? What the hell was I?

I was almost certain I was some sort of Jet Li, Jackie Chan sort of character. I walked past all the unconscious bodies, stepping over their broken bones, how had I done this with just my legs, I need to get my arms free! I wish they would turn that alarm off, it’s beginning to give me head ache, we know I’ve escaped but they have no more men to send after me. A noise almost as deafening as the alarm were the screams and yelling coming from the other cells, the corridor what seemed like a corridor, filled on both sides with cells.

I walked up to the cell that was set to mine, the person struggled to get free, letting out loud groans from behind the mask that covered his face, his attempts were to no avail as he wasn’t strong enough to break free. I left him there and carried on walking down the corridor, towards the open door from where the guards came from.

Suddenly a lone guard came charging past the door, was this all they had left? It must have been, they should have known better especially considering after what I had done to the rest of them. The guard pulled out a large knife, he swiped it at me as he got closer, I dodged the attack but the blade caught one of the straps, no enough that I could get free however. I dodged another knife attack, got behind him then kicked him in the back of the head, I took his feet out from under him then I dropped to the floor with my legs wrapped around his head and proceeded to snap his neck.

Wow. I jumped back to my feet and carried on my way, the door was wide open, darkness only laid beyond.

Insanity’s Ascension – Carpe Noctem

I tried to kill myself yesterday, at least I think it was yesterday and by kill myself I mean I tried to break my neck flipping backwards but all I’ve done is given myself back ache.

I couldn’t stand being in here anymore, I couldn’t stand looking up at that damn bright light, this place was making me crazy! I wondered how many of the others were actually sane before coming in here, only to be driven to the edge of madness because of the confined spaces.

I knew what I had to do, I had to get out of here at whatever cost. There was obviously no timeframe I knew of that I’d get some answers, this is no life to live, being stuck in this white padded box. If I died, so what? What ever happens after death has to be better than this hell hole.

I heard the jangling of the keys again, every day around this time, the same jangling, the same whistling. I hated it. He barely knew how to whistle, the prick. As the jangling got closer I ran over to the door, my voice had returned, I began yelling at the top of my voice, booting the door as hard as possible.

“Not this shit again.” I heard from the otherside of the door, the lock on the door clicked as he turned the key, the door flung open, needle in hand the same large black gentleman came at me, I jumped and kicked the needle out of his hand, whoa, where did that come from? Was I Jet Li’s white brother? It stabbed into his leg, I then injected whatever it was inside by crushing the top with my foot.

Insanity’s Ascension – Audi, Vide, Tace

I don’t even know how long it was until I awoke, still laying in here staring up at the blinding light. Surely it had been days by now? The silence was deafening. No matter how much I yell no one comes, I yelled until my voice was no more and still, no one came.

I spent so long trying to remember at least something, where I lived, what I did or hell, even my name. I remember waking up and my eyes feel like they were burning from this light but beyond that, nothing. Had I hit my head? Was I in an accident? If I was, why would I be in an insane asylum? I don’t feel insane… Although I’ve lost my memory, for all I know I could be a serial killer.

Laying on this comfortable floor is the only thing I’ve been doing for so long, my arms have gone numb from being strapped to my own body. I did find out that I was indeed a white person, I found that out when I spent an hour pulling off the extremely tight socks they had put on me with my teeth, at least it passed some time.

Yesterday I heard someone else screaming, it took me awhile to figure out that it wasn’t just an echo of my own voice, they too were screaming for help, they too were screaming asking where the hell they were. I tried to communicate with him but it was no good, my voice had already faded away.

Insanity’s Ascension – Tabula Rasa

I opened my eyes and all I could see was a blinding white light, it had been so long since I had seen a light so strong, my eyes were having a hard time adjusting. Where had I been? Where was I now? I was so tired I fought to keep my eyes open, but I had to, they had to adjust to this blinding light. Almost burning my retina’s.

I tried to stand up but I couldn’t move my arms, it was as if they were amputated, had my arms been amputated? What the hell was going on? I didn’t have stumps so they couldn’t have been amputated but then why couldn’t I move them? I can’t even move my fingers… WHATS GOING ON?!

I get to my feet, but I can’t see where I’m going, the light is still too bright to see anything. Wherever I am it’s not a very big room, I yell out, I yell “hello” but I get no response, who was keeping me here, why were they keeping me here? Have I died? As I get more worried, more claustrophobic I begin to breath heavily, I try to walk forward but I bump my head on the wall. It didn’t hurt though? What was that? It was cushioned? Why was it cushioned? I rest my head on the wall then walk sideways, using my head as a guide. It wasn’t long until I reached another corner, that too had a cushioned wall.

The fear was starting to get replaced with anger, I started booting the wall as hard as I could, hoping to break through whatever was in front of me. The final kick makes me lose my balance and I fall backwards, my head hits hard against the floor, but again, the floor was cushioned! The only thing I could see again now was the bright light shining down on me.

The Shadows Protect Nothing

“And here in the shadows I stand, hidden from you, hidden from the world… hidden from everything! You think I was gone forever didn’t you? You always thought you were better than me, walking past me as if I never existed! Every day I tried to gain your affection, your love and everything I did you just threw it back in my face! Well never again! If I can’t have you, then no one will! If you don’t know I’m here now then you will never know when to expect me! I stand here, in the shadows, watching you touch yourself; dirty little whore!”

The light switches on and the shadows disappear.

“What are you doing Jeffrey, you stupid boy?!” A woman’s voice yelled.

I spun quickly and glanced at my mother.

“Err… Noth…”

“Stop standing in the dark talking in that sinister voice! Especially at this time! Do you realize how late it is? Me and your dad are trying to bloody sleep in ‘ere! And stop perving over the cat, she doesn’t like it.”